“He that diggeth a pit shall fall into it.”
By JOSH RESNEK
The Blue Suit and mayor have been all around the city since he got back from Aruba and Arizona. The mayor is in one of his many phases. This one is as the hard-working, sober, serious, and conciliatory mayor.
“You know, Josh. That pretty much says it all…for now about the mayor. He’s been wearing me all over the place and frankly, I need a good cleaning. He can’t wear me every day like he has been doing and fail to get me cleaned. I’m not a horse or a household animal. I’m the mayor’s Blue Suit. I deserve better treatment,” the Blue Suit said to me.
“Why does he wear you so often?” I asked.
The Blue Suit hesitated. He looked at several stains on his sleeves and pants.
“He loves me. He can’t part with me. He loves how I look, how I feel, how I stretch, and how I present myself,” the Blue Suit said.
“He doesn’t know it, but I think I am intersex.”
“What the hell is intersex?” I asked the Blue Suit. “Intersex people, or suits for that matter, are those of us who do not fit the typical definitions for male or female bodies. In other words, I look like a male. I have the major parts of a male, but I don’t fit into an exclusively male persona. Sometimes I wish I was a skirt wearing a blouse top with silk stockings and high heels,” the Blue Suit told me.
Obviously, I was shocked.
I figured the mayor’s major dress-up suit would be hopelessly heterosexual, you know, all man.
“Does the mayor know this?” I asked the Blue Suit.
“What does the mayor think about lesbians and transgenders?” I asked the Blue Suit.
The Blue Suit laughed.
“Boy, you’re going all the way with this aren’t you?” “Why not?” he’s the mayor, the big guy, the man who hoists the gay flag over city hall. The guy who pays tribute to gay rights, to LGBTQ rights. He tells everyone: ‘I love you all. I respect you all’ except for one thing. He doesn’t.’”
“You’re right about that,” the Blue Suit answered. “What do you mean?” I asked.
“I’ve heard him talk about lesbians and transgenders. He makes fun of them behind their backs. He thinks of them as damaged lower caste people, the same way he thinks about Black people and brown people as being from the lower order of humanity. He definitely does not want to hire blacks, browns, or transgenders. I heard him once joke with Jerry that if he did hire a transgender, he’d send her down to the city yard to work with the DPW guys. He and Jerry talked about it. They got hysterical laughing about it. They were almost in tears,” the Blue Suit recalled.
“Do you think the mayor is in touch with his feminine side?” I asked the Blue Suit.
“What the hell do you mean by that?” the Blue Suit asked me.
“Just what I said: is he in touch with his feminine side. All men have a feminine side…even the mayor.”
“If you mean he acts like a woman. No, I don’t think so. I mean he knows how to buy flowers. He’s shown how good he is at buying Christmas wreaths that cost $838 each. But I’d have to say, no. He is not in touch with his feminine side. I’d say he’s more of a toxic male, a jumble of hateful conflicting impulses sometimes rendering him inert. He is certainly capable of firing women with the same ease he fires men. Maybe the mayor is intersex after all!” the Blue Suit said.
“Does the mayor know what LGBTQ stands for? Could he write it out if it is was a question on a test? Better yet, for $1 million could the mayor enumerate what exactly LGBTQ stands for?”
“Absolutely not,” the Blue Suit replied.
“Do you know what it means?” I asked the Blue Suit. “Not really. Why don’t you tell me?” he asked.
“OK. Here you go. The L is for Lesbian. The G is for Gay. The B is for Bisexual, the T is for Transgender, and the Q is for Queer. However, there are a few other terms such as Intersex, which we’ve already discussed, Asexual and Pansexual,” I added.
“Do you know what pansexual means?” I asked the Blue Suit.
“Pansexual people describe themselves as being attracted to people based on personality, not gender.”
“How do I know if I am pansexual?” the Blue Suit asked me.
“You should ask Carlo that question. See if he can give you a straight answer.”
“Listen, Josh, I’ve been with Carlo in many different situations. I know him like the back of my sleeve. He is a hetero guy who does not care for the company of gays or anything else that isn’t hetero. He’d find it hard to breathe in a room filled with gay people. I know. I’ve been in such a situation with him.”
“What’s his problem? Does he think he’s going to be attacked? Does he worry that he could become gay himself? What’s he so uptight about?” I asked the Blue Suit.
”He’s uptight about life, Josh. He’s the kind of guy who digs a hole only to fall into it. He doesn’t care for gay people. He’d like everyone to be heterosexual. He says that would better for society,” the Blue Suit told me.
“Really,” I exclaimed.
“He thinks like that?” I asked.
“Except for a few people…yes. Absolutely. Completely.”